After spending two hours trying to get a game for three people going (the absolute atrocity that is the Random Map Generator will definitely be discussed in another entry), the game crashed on one of our computers. The player could not get it to close, so he restarted his computer. When it came back on, he tried to restart the game, but it gave him this crazy error message (which I will include a picture of very soon.)
The game seemed to think that it was STILL RUNNING on his computer, even after it was restarted. It also no longer recognized the disc as a Heroes disc anymore. He has uninstalled it twice, removed all his maps and player data, and restarted his computer, and it still gives him that obnoxious message with terrible grammar.
Heroes no longer works on his computer because it crashed and he had to restart. He will be trying other ways to fix this, but has already spent an hour fucking with it.
Another issue happens on the computer of another player: once the disc is in her computer, it cannot be taken out unless she restarts her computer and ejects it right as the computer starts up.
This game tries very hard to be completely incompatible with computers, which, oddly enough, are the machines that run it.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Friday, February 1, 2008
Ghost Mode
We made the mistake of playing Ghost Mode because we thought it would give us something fun to do while we waited for others to end their turns. Because, as you know, there is basically nothing you can do while you wait for others. You just sit and watch the bar that says, "Wait for other players, please" in a false-polite tone that implies you have been impatient.
Ghost Mode was so atrocious it was insulting. We thought we could use them to scout the map, but it turns out they're so slow it's hardly worth it. You can spend their movement points to make them faster, which wastes your time and the ghost's turn. Instead of watching your bar, you can watch the absurd blue screen of Ghost Mode that makes some features of the map impossible to identify, especially if you're underground.
There were a select few things you could do in regular mode while you "waited for other players, please." You could, for instance, move your view around the mini-map so you could see what buildings you had captured. In Ghost Mode, you can't even do this because your hero does not share vision with you ghost!
Also, the fact that you have to expend your ghost's movement points to get good at any skill made them a waste of time. How fun is it to stare at your ghost after you spent its movement points beefing it up?
Our other concern, though we did not test this, was that our ghosts might cause simultaneous turns to be ended sooner if they came close to another player and our "field of influences" overlapped. Since we do everything we can to keep simultaneous turns, this is another potential flaw of Ghost Mode--our ghosts became that much more worthless.
Ghost Mode made us want to kill ourselves. Having to sit and stare at that worthless blue screen while we listened to the awful and repetitive music that plays while you wait was terribly corrosive to our souls. We will never suffer through that nonsense again.
Ghost Mode was so atrocious it was insulting. We thought we could use them to scout the map, but it turns out they're so slow it's hardly worth it. You can spend their movement points to make them faster, which wastes your time and the ghost's turn. Instead of watching your bar, you can watch the absurd blue screen of Ghost Mode that makes some features of the map impossible to identify, especially if you're underground.
There were a select few things you could do in regular mode while you "waited for other players, please." You could, for instance, move your view around the mini-map so you could see what buildings you had captured. In Ghost Mode, you can't even do this because your hero does not share vision with you ghost!
Also, the fact that you have to expend your ghost's movement points to get good at any skill made them a waste of time. How fun is it to stare at your ghost after you spent its movement points beefing it up?
Our other concern, though we did not test this, was that our ghosts might cause simultaneous turns to be ended sooner if they came close to another player and our "field of influences" overlapped. Since we do everything we can to keep simultaneous turns, this is another potential flaw of Ghost Mode--our ghosts became that much more worthless.
Ghost Mode made us want to kill ourselves. Having to sit and stare at that worthless blue screen while we listened to the awful and repetitive music that plays while you wait was terribly corrosive to our souls. We will never suffer through that nonsense again.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Glitches
Here's another reason Heroes V is an awful experience: the programmers couldn't be bothered to fix some of the worst bugs and glitches.
For instance, one fine example is the time I didn't start with a fucking hero at all.
Everyone else had a hero and didn't believe me that I didn't have one. However, where my hero's face should have been was a black square, there was no hero hidden in my city. I didn't start with a goddamn hero for no goddamn reason. I even chose one in the multiplayer lobby. And to top it off, the "bonus" I chose was a random artifact, which of course I didn't get because I didn't start with a hero that could carry it.
The first thing I had to do, then, was waste some gold on a substandard hero that I didn't even want.
This seems like a basic, easily-preventable bug. But it happened nonetheless.
For instance, one fine example is the time I didn't start with a fucking hero at all.
Everyone else had a hero and didn't believe me that I didn't have one. However, where my hero's face should have been was a black square, there was no hero hidden in my city. I didn't start with a goddamn hero for no goddamn reason. I even chose one in the multiplayer lobby. And to top it off, the "bonus" I chose was a random artifact, which of course I didn't get because I didn't start with a hero that could carry it.
The first thing I had to do, then, was waste some gold on a substandard hero that I didn't even want.
This seems like a basic, easily-preventable bug. But it happened nonetheless.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
"Simultaneos" Turns
Our first experience with multiplayer for Heroes of Might and Magic was so incredibly frustrating we almost didn't play again. We were not playing the expansion, and therefore multiplayer was entirely turn-based. Three of us were playing, and grew so impatient and angry whenever someone went into battle that we had to stop after maybe ten turns.
Imagine our excitement when we discovered the expansion, which we owned but had not yet installed, had a simultaneous turn feature!
We played joyfully, marveling at how much faster the game was going, when all of a sudden a message popped up telling us simultaneous turns had been deactivated. For the rest of the game.
Confused, we looked it up online and found, indeed, the game does turn off simultaneous turns when players get too close to each other.
Many other players have complained about this, particularly that alliances cause it to happen from the beginning and that once it is off, it is off permanently. We were mostly infuriated that the game fucking LIED to us, and also that we were nowhere near each other when simultaneous turns were deactivated!
The game advertised simultaneous turns as the solution to fucking slow-ass multiplayer games and proceeds to take it away maybe, oh, ten turns in REGARDLESS of where players are. We've had it occur repeatedly when we've been nowhere near each other, can't see each other, etc.
Another source of our disappointment is that other turn-based games, such as Civilization 4, have absolutely no problem with the concept of simultaneous turns. Even after you end your turn, you can still do things in your cities. Here, you have no choice but to sit and wait. Or, you can play Ghost Mode, which is another disaster for another entry.
You'd think the game fucking lying to us and making multiplayer almost unbearable after the first couple turns would daunt us. BUT NO. We came back for more, despite this severe fucking disappointment.
Imagine our excitement when we discovered the expansion, which we owned but had not yet installed, had a simultaneous turn feature!
We played joyfully, marveling at how much faster the game was going, when all of a sudden a message popped up telling us simultaneous turns had been deactivated. For the rest of the game.
Confused, we looked it up online and found, indeed, the game does turn off simultaneous turns when players get too close to each other.
Many other players have complained about this, particularly that alliances cause it to happen from the beginning and that once it is off, it is off permanently. We were mostly infuriated that the game fucking LIED to us, and also that we were nowhere near each other when simultaneous turns were deactivated!
The game advertised simultaneous turns as the solution to fucking slow-ass multiplayer games and proceeds to take it away maybe, oh, ten turns in REGARDLESS of where players are. We've had it occur repeatedly when we've been nowhere near each other, can't see each other, etc.
Another source of our disappointment is that other turn-based games, such as Civilization 4, have absolutely no problem with the concept of simultaneous turns. Even after you end your turn, you can still do things in your cities. Here, you have no choice but to sit and wait. Or, you can play Ghost Mode, which is another disaster for another entry.
You'd think the game fucking lying to us and making multiplayer almost unbearable after the first couple turns would daunt us. BUT NO. We came back for more, despite this severe fucking disappointment.
This is nothing new
I can't believe no one's made a blog about this yet.
Heroes of Might and Magic V: Hammers of Fate is a terrible game for a variety of reasons that I will no doubt explore in depth here. But the sad thing is, it's incredibly, incredibly addictive. Even after we've been faced with a crazy, retarded, easily-preventable bug in the game that ruins everything, we keep coming back for more.
We keep coming back because there are so many little things about the game that keep drawing us back. The battle system is pretty unique, building up your town to get new units is fun, leveling up your hero is incredibly satisfying. Killing an opponent's hero makes it all worth it.
So while we think the programmers spent more time masturbating than making a solid, cohesive game, they did do some things very well. This is why we suffer.
Heroes of Might and Magic V: Hammers of Fate is a terrible game for a variety of reasons that I will no doubt explore in depth here. But the sad thing is, it's incredibly, incredibly addictive. Even after we've been faced with a crazy, retarded, easily-preventable bug in the game that ruins everything, we keep coming back for more.
We keep coming back because there are so many little things about the game that keep drawing us back. The battle system is pretty unique, building up your town to get new units is fun, leveling up your hero is incredibly satisfying. Killing an opponent's hero makes it all worth it.
So while we think the programmers spent more time masturbating than making a solid, cohesive game, they did do some things very well. This is why we suffer.
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